Jodi Foster, Single Moms and Fatherless Children
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
I recently read an article - an interview - with Jodi Foster that really grabbed my attention. Now a mother of 2 boys, Ms. Foster and her female companion are raising the boys much like Jodi herself was raised after her parent's divorced (before her birth) and her mother took in her female lover. That isn't what grabbed me.
What really struck me was that in the beginning of the interview she vehemently advocated raising children in a fatherless home. She said, "I don't think a father is necessary to raising a happy, healthy baby." But several paragraphs later she seemed to forget her proclamation when she began to talk about her unhappy childhood without a father. She admits that she is "still haunted by a sense of loss caused by my father's absence. I always say I keep making the same movies over and over again (in an attempt to resolve my pain). It's a long emotional journey to be able to let go and say goodbye."
From a psychological standpoint the article was very interesting. I'm not attempting to bash Jodi Foster here however. In fact this story could apply to a great many Hollywood "moms" out there. But I am struck with the ease with which people are so willing to rationalize the choices they make for their own children without putting 2 and 2 together to see just how much pain they have suffered because their parent made those same choices.
The fact is that children who are raised in a loving home with both a mother and a father are far more likely to grow up to be happy, whole individuals far more often than children who are not raised in a nuclear family. This is not just a matter of personal opinion. Hundreds of proper studies and eons of time have confirmed this as a fact, regardless of the culture or economic status of the family.
Men are far more than sperm donors. They balance us out. They offer our children something that no woman can give. A woman cannot teach a boy how to become a man any more than a man can empathize with a woman about childbirth.
So if we are going to embrace a culture of fatherless children, perhaps we should prepare ourselves and society for the fall-out. All choices have consequences. Let's not make our children suffer for ours.
What really struck me was that in the beginning of the interview she vehemently advocated raising children in a fatherless home. She said, "I don't think a father is necessary to raising a happy, healthy baby." But several paragraphs later she seemed to forget her proclamation when she began to talk about her unhappy childhood without a father. She admits that she is "still haunted by a sense of loss caused by my father's absence. I always say I keep making the same movies over and over again (in an attempt to resolve my pain). It's a long emotional journey to be able to let go and say goodbye."
From a psychological standpoint the article was very interesting. I'm not attempting to bash Jodi Foster here however. In fact this story could apply to a great many Hollywood "moms" out there. But I am struck with the ease with which people are so willing to rationalize the choices they make for their own children without putting 2 and 2 together to see just how much pain they have suffered because their parent made those same choices.
The fact is that children who are raised in a loving home with both a mother and a father are far more likely to grow up to be happy, whole individuals far more often than children who are not raised in a nuclear family. This is not just a matter of personal opinion. Hundreds of proper studies and eons of time have confirmed this as a fact, regardless of the culture or economic status of the family.
Men are far more than sperm donors. They balance us out. They offer our children something that no woman can give. A woman cannot teach a boy how to become a man any more than a man can empathize with a woman about childbirth.
So if we are going to embrace a culture of fatherless children, perhaps we should prepare ourselves and society for the fall-out. All choices have consequences. Let's not make our children suffer for ours.
Labels: children, dads, family, Fathers, gay, Jodi Foster, kids, learning, parenting, self esteem, self worth, single mothers
Shoplifting, Making it a One-Time Crime
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I was about 5 when I decided that the 6" candy bar in the check out isle should be mine. Somehow I knew that my mom wouldn't buy it for me so I stuffed it under my shirt. "That was easy," I thought. So I stuffed another one and then a third. I looked down at my shirt to see if my crime was obvious. It was, but I told myself that no one seemed to notice so it must be OK.
When my mom went to pay for her groceries, she told the cashier to charge her for 3 candy bars. I was momentarily confused until she looked at me and told me to take them out from under my shirt. I had been caught. She made me apologize to the clerk who told me that I should never do that again - and I didn't.
About 75 percent of children attempt to shoplift at least once in their formative years. But it is largely the reactions of their parents that determine whether or not they will attempt a repeat performance.
Parents who ignore the behavior, or who openly find it amusing only encourage the child to continue to feel entitled to anything s/he sees. The lesson of honesty and respecting what belongs to other's is not learned. On the other hand, if the parent makes the child take responsibility for their misbehavior by apologizing to a store manager, the child is much less likely to steal again.
After apologizing the child should either pay for the stolen item or work off the appropriate amount of money with chores. However it is never appropriate to give the child the stolen item, even after they have made restitution. Doing so would only reward the child for their crime.
When my mom went to pay for her groceries, she told the cashier to charge her for 3 candy bars. I was momentarily confused until she looked at me and told me to take them out from under my shirt. I had been caught. She made me apologize to the clerk who told me that I should never do that again - and I didn't.
About 75 percent of children attempt to shoplift at least once in their formative years. But it is largely the reactions of their parents that determine whether or not they will attempt a repeat performance.
Parents who ignore the behavior, or who openly find it amusing only encourage the child to continue to feel entitled to anything s/he sees. The lesson of honesty and respecting what belongs to other's is not learned. On the other hand, if the parent makes the child take responsibility for their misbehavior by apologizing to a store manager, the child is much less likely to steal again.
After apologizing the child should either pay for the stolen item or work off the appropriate amount of money with chores. However it is never appropriate to give the child the stolen item, even after they have made restitution. Doing so would only reward the child for their crime.
Labels: children, communication, discipline, family, kids, learning, parenting, shop lifting, stealing
Matel Toy Recall - Brain Damage & Lead
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Technorati Profile
The media has been focusing a lot of attention to toys that are being recalled due to having lead in the paint. Over 9 million toys have been recalled to date, all made in China.
The problem is that lead paint can be fatal to infants and toddlers if ingested. Because infants and toddlers are prone to putting these toys in their mouth they are at risk. So far this year over 70 thousand children under the age of 4 have been diagnosed with lead poisoning in this country. Consequently, it is important that every parent take heed to the warnings and remove any toys they may have that may be tainted.
Lead poisoning has been shown to cause brain damage in young children, especially those who are not taking daily supplements of calcium and iron. Calcium and iron help the body break down the lead if ingested. however, with enough exposure, even children in the best health can suffer physical and mental damage.
Here is a site that lists the latest recalled toys including photos of each toy:
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml07/07273.html
The media has been focusing a lot of attention to toys that are being recalled due to having lead in the paint. Over 9 million toys have been recalled to date, all made in China.
The problem is that lead paint can be fatal to infants and toddlers if ingested. Because infants and toddlers are prone to putting these toys in their mouth they are at risk. So far this year over 70 thousand children under the age of 4 have been diagnosed with lead poisoning in this country. Consequently, it is important that every parent take heed to the warnings and remove any toys they may have that may be tainted.
Lead poisoning has been shown to cause brain damage in young children, especially those who are not taking daily supplements of calcium and iron. Calcium and iron help the body break down the lead if ingested. however, with enough exposure, even children in the best health can suffer physical and mental damage.
Here is a site that lists the latest recalled toys including photos of each toy:
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml07/07273.html