Keeping Your Fears to Yourself
Monday, February 18, 2008
Babies are born with a highly developed startle reflex which is natures way of alerting them to danger. Infants can be startled by loud or strange noises and sudden unexpected movements. As the infant grows into babyhood unfamiliar sights such as a Halloween mask can startle and even frighten them. Toddlers may experience anxiety when a loved one leaves the room, but this is different than fears or phobias. It is anxiety about the uncertainty of being left behind. Beyond that babies just don't develop fears and phobias.
Children develop fears and phobias via the example of their neurotic or phobic family members; especially if they are young and still strongly identifying with the parent. We live in a turbulent and sometimes frightening world, but the issues that frighten society at large are adult issues that should never be imposed on the child's psyche. In fact, children should be protected from all adult fears and phobias lest they take them on as their own crippling mindset. And that includes common fears such as fear of water, insects and heights.
Overly anxious, over protective parents create phobic children who are too afraid of life to experience life. When children watch a parent having mini-panic-attacks whenever they fall down, when they get close to water or when they approach a dog they get a strong message that the world is a dangerous and frightening place.
Do parks have pedophiles? Sure they do. But that is no reason to avoid them. It is a reason to learn how to be aware of your surroundings. Does the ocean have sharks? Sure it does but that is no reason to avoid it. It is a reason to learn how to be safe around water. If you live your life giving in to irrational fears that is your choice but don't psychologically cripple your children by imposing those fears onto them.
Children need to be taught that the world is full of opportunities, that it is a wonderful place to experience life and to express themselves. Sure there will be some tumbles along the way but it is far better to live life to the fullest knowing that you will scrape your knee once in a while than to lock yourself away in fear of falling.
Parents who keep their children from enjoying life are teaching them to fear life. And a fear-based life was never a fulfilling one.
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