Parenting - The Owners Manual

Profile of a Child Abuser:

1. Was probably abused as a child
2. Has poor impulse control
3. May become aroused while hitting child
4. May be self-righteous or "always right"
5. May misinterpret scripture to rationalize abuse
6. Is more interested in inflicting his/her anger onto child, than helping the child learn a life lesson, (i.e. abusive-punishment instead of discipline)
7. Has no empathy for the child (cannot put themselves in the emotional place of the child)
8. Sees child as a possession/object and is self righteous about it. (i.e. "This is MY son.")
9. Has unrealistic expectations of the child - especially age inappropriate expectations, (i.e. believes it is OK to leave 8-year-old alone at home)

The Abused Child

Abuse is either internalized or externalized by the child. Externalization may resemble the following:

1. Acting out at school - the school bully
2. Acting out at home - aggressive behaviors including violence towards siblings, possessions or pets.
3. Hits, sassy, bites. Child may equate love with abuse, and will act in a way that provokes others to hurt them.
4. Destruction of property, arson, vandalism, truancy etc.
5. Extreme Tantrums
6. Verbally abusive
7. Angry, hateful, negative attitude
8. Tries to make people angry at them, (i.e. pushing your buttons)
9. May hurt self or engage in potentially self destructive activities to induce pain (due to association of pain with love)


If they Internalize the abuse they may:

1. Resort to self mutilation (making little nicks on arms or wrists)
2. Become withdrawn and/or socially isolated.
3. Experience regressive behavior or act infantile.
4. May exhibit symptoms of depression: a.) doesn't want to socialize, b.) somatisizes, pain, headaches, sore throat, nausea, vomiting, stomach ache etc., c.) doesn't want to play outside or do usual activities.
5. May develop an eating disorder
6. May develop physical blocks - psychoanesthitizing part of the body that had abuse (i.e. loosing feeling in an arm for a period of time).
7. Dissociation - during abuse, (imagines that they are floating outside of their body) If abuse is ongoing this form of protection may become pathological and remain a problem throughout their life.
8. May develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, or dissociative disorder.
9. In any case, abuse can lead to a myriad of mental illnesses later in life.

Types of Abuse

Abuse can be physical, emotional or sexual.

beating/hitting
shaking
shoving
kicking
bruising
choking
grabbing
use of belts or or other objects
slapping
anything that leaves a mark or causes injury

yelling
criticizing
ridiculing
failing to provide
lack of nurturing
threatening
passive aggression
finger pointing
controlling
intimidating
neglect
terrorizing

seductive behavior
seductive dress
indecent exposure
sexual touching
fondling
any unauthorized touch
peeping
verbal harassment
froterism
sexual letters or language
stalking
unwanted tickling