Parenting - The Owners Manual

Listening is a skill that requires practice, patience and persistence. Listening is different than simply hearing. It is the desire and ability to allow another person to express their thoughts and feelings without judging, interrupting or correcting. Too often as parents we neglect to allow our children the right to express themselves openly, in a safe arena. Instead we allow our emotions and our assumptions to take over as we listen. We need to allow our children to express their feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative, regardless of weather or not we agree with them. We need to let the child know that what they have to say is important and that we are interested in them, their thoughts and their feelings. Parents need to remember to refrain from arguing with the child about their ideas or their feelings as they have as much right to think or feel a certain way as you do. So often I hear conversations that go something like this (and I cringe):

Child: "Mommy my toe hurts."
Parent: "Oh look at that little scrape, that doesn't hurt."

So what message are we sending to the child? One that says you are not capable of knowing weather or not you are hurting. You are confused and only I can determine if you are in pain.

By so doing, you are telling the child that you have no empathy for his/her feelings or circumstance. And by example you are teaching them to negate the feelings and experiences of others; and that is how sociopaths are created.