Parenting - The Owners Manual

How do you know if your child has a headache? How can you tell if she is in pain from cutting teeth or bumping her head on the crib? How do you know if your toddler has a stomach ache or feels "fluish?"

For the most part you can't. Little children cannot communicate the specificity of their discomfort, so when they are in pain they become cranky, impatient, weepy and or angry. Even Toddlers and young children have difficulty finding words to express their physical feelings.

It is important for parents and caregivers to remember that just like adults, children have bad days too, and they cannot behave as if they have no feelings. It can take an empathetic detective to determine the difference between whining and actual complaining. Here are a few things to ponder the next time you you notice that your child isn't as perky as usual.

1. Have you introduced something new to their diet (or to yours if you are breast feeding)? Children have sensitive digestive systems and getting a tummy ache after trying something new is common.

2. Has your child's day been particularly exciting or demanding? Children can suffer from overload too.

3. Are there tears? children don't cry tears unless they are feeling true distress. However, infants generally cannot cry tears until they are a few weeks old or until their tear ducts develop completely.

4. Has your child recently had a growth spurt? Bones and joints don't grow as quickly as muscle; and a growth spurt can cause physical discomfort - especially for crawlers and toddlers.

5. Have you or the child's significant caregiver been gone, under the weather or in a bad mood? Children are very sensitive to social disruptions and they generally interpret less attention as abandonment. Psychological pain can be even more painful than physical discomfort.

So, before you are tempted to label your child "spoiled," or "demanding," try to figure out the root of their upset. Once you figure that out, both of you will be happier.