Parenting your Parent and the Feeling of Entitlement
Monday, April 30, 2007
Parenting isn't something that ends once the child enters school. The responsibilities of parenting continue on throughout your life. It isn't over when they go away to college or when they get married and have a family of their own. Parenting on one level or another is a thing that lasts for as long as you have a child - even if that child is a grandparent by now.
I have often said "You know you have done something right if your children are all grown up and they still like you." What I don't understand is how a family can let the most ridiculous things, like money, or status tear them apart.
Too often I have seen adult children turn on each other because of the way their parent's estate was divided after the death of a parent. What is it that makes adult children feel so entitled to their parent's money that each expects to get the lion's share of it when the parent dies? The truth is, that in most cases, our parent's, by the time they die, owe us nothing. We are entitled to nothing. More than likely we still owe them, for raising us the best they knew how, for being there when we needed them, for helping us buy our first home or for taking care of us after the birth of our first child.
My mother is in her 80's, and still if I get sick she worries and wants to know how she can help me feel better. Most of the time now, the shoe is on the other foot and I am looking after her to make sure her golden years are the best possible. I am the adult now, I am the grandma who is doing for my children the things that my mother used to do for me. It's just the cycle of life, and no where in the book of life is there anything about being entitled to your parents earthly possessions when they pass away.
Sitting back on ones laurels waiting for your parents to die seems to me a pitiful way to be in this world. It is time for us to wake up, grow up and stop making such a fuss about who gets what. Love your parents while they are still here. Listen to what wisdom they have to offer - even if you have heard that story a dozen times already. Be patient, loving and grateful for the one person in your life who has spent their entire life loving you.
I have often said "You know you have done something right if your children are all grown up and they still like you." What I don't understand is how a family can let the most ridiculous things, like money, or status tear them apart.
Too often I have seen adult children turn on each other because of the way their parent's estate was divided after the death of a parent. What is it that makes adult children feel so entitled to their parent's money that each expects to get the lion's share of it when the parent dies? The truth is, that in most cases, our parent's, by the time they die, owe us nothing. We are entitled to nothing. More than likely we still owe them, for raising us the best they knew how, for being there when we needed them, for helping us buy our first home or for taking care of us after the birth of our first child.
My mother is in her 80's, and still if I get sick she worries and wants to know how she can help me feel better. Most of the time now, the shoe is on the other foot and I am looking after her to make sure her golden years are the best possible. I am the adult now, I am the grandma who is doing for my children the things that my mother used to do for me. It's just the cycle of life, and no where in the book of life is there anything about being entitled to your parents earthly possessions when they pass away.
Sitting back on ones laurels waiting for your parents to die seems to me a pitiful way to be in this world. It is time for us to wake up, grow up and stop making such a fuss about who gets what. Love your parents while they are still here. Listen to what wisdom they have to offer - even if you have heard that story a dozen times already. Be patient, loving and grateful for the one person in your life who has spent their entire life loving you.