Raising kids: When does it get easier?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Is there a particular age or stage when parenting is automatically easier? A recent pole asked parents two questions:
1. At what age have you found your children the easiest to rear?
3. At what age have you found your children the most difficult to rear?
Sixteen percent of the parents responded that they had found all times equally easy and difficult, and 2 percent said they had never found an easy time. But the remainder of those who responded made a pattern that looked like this:
Age Easiest to Rear
0-5 26%
6-12 37%
13-15 9%
16-18 3%
19-21 3%
over 21 2%
Age Hardest to Rear
0-5 8%
6-12 5%
13-15 41%
16-18 32%
19-21 4%
over 21 1%
What was interesting to discover in the pole was that parents who still had kids at home thought that the easiest stages were those they didn't currently have children in. And likewise, the most difficult stages were voted to be the ones they currently had children in.
So, it would appear that every stage of parenting has it's challenges, but hopefully we make the most of whatever stage we are dealing with and work hard at making it the best stage yet.
1. At what age have you found your children the easiest to rear?
3. At what age have you found your children the most difficult to rear?
Sixteen percent of the parents responded that they had found all times equally easy and difficult, and 2 percent said they had never found an easy time. But the remainder of those who responded made a pattern that looked like this:
Age Easiest to Rear
0-5 26%
6-12 37%
13-15 9%
16-18 3%
19-21 3%
over 21 2%
Age Hardest to Rear
0-5 8%
6-12 5%
13-15 41%
16-18 32%
19-21 4%
over 21 1%
What was interesting to discover in the pole was that parents who still had kids at home thought that the easiest stages were those they didn't currently have children in. And likewise, the most difficult stages were voted to be the ones they currently had children in.
So, it would appear that every stage of parenting has it's challenges, but hopefully we make the most of whatever stage we are dealing with and work hard at making it the best stage yet.
How to Raise Independant, Confidant, Adults
Monday, March 19, 2007
It's true, most parents will tell you that they only want their children to grow up to be happy well balanced adults. And yet each generations social experiments seem to foster negative qualities that we didn't realize would be the side effects of our parenting styles. The first step to discovering the parenting styles that are best for your child is to realize that you are not raising a child... you are living with a child, but you are raising an adult. Once the "raising" is done, a new adult will merge into the world to continue shaping the future of it, for better, or for worse.
Robert Bornstein, a psychologist at Adelphi University and an expert on social dependency, says that much of today's generation "have a helpless self-concept in common." They see themselves as weak, vulnerable, and ineffectual, often because their parents were either overprotective—sending the message that they were fragile—or rigid and authoritarian, which taught them that the way to get along in life was to follow orders.
Both styles of operating in the world come from a deep and often frightening insecurity that the individual covers up by:
1. taking on the "Victim" role, to cover their fear of making the wrong decision (they arrange for others to make the decisions for them).
Or
2. they live unenriched lives of frustration due to a fear of failure (they never reach beyond their comfort zone and take risks, fearing that someone out there might not approve of them).
More and more we are seeing this generation grow to adulthood physically, but they often have great difficulty striking out on their own and becoming responsible for their own life. Feeling "entitled" to what their parents have, even after having families of their own is not uncommon.
I understand that we live in a world that can often feel unsafe, but over protecting your children, preventing them from acquiring socialization skills with all kinds of people is doing them a grave disservice. Learning how to hold their own to a bully, or to stand up for what they believe, in the face of radical and inappropriate teacher is what we need to be fostering in our children. And we cannot do that if we are continually "protecting" them from the ills of the world. In fact, by doing so we are emotionally crippling them.
Over-controlling a child creates an adult that has no sense of his or her own ability to make wise decisions. These new adults will either isolate themselves from the world or they will rebel against it.
Children raised by overly authoritarian parents will most certainly rebel. And they will choose those things which are most important to the parent to rebel against. I often see well meaning, but over zealous, religious parents turn out teens that refuse to take on any form of their parent's religious beliefs. They grow to see their parent's religion as the enemy instead of realizing that it was the way in which their parents "bullied" them that was the problem.
In short, you need to make an honest and realistic assessment of your parenting trouble spots. Then you need to educate yourself on positive parenting skills that can replace your old unhealthy habits. It may be psychologically painful to do this, but remember that this isn't all about you anymore. It is about the person you are raising and the quality of life you can help them discover.
And in the end you will both benefit from it. Learning to let go of your irrational belief that you are powerful enough to control others will eradicate enormous amounts of stress and anxiety in your life. You will at last feel free and peaceful. Learning to repress your anger and overly authoritarian behavior will change your life. You will begin to understand what true happiness is all about.
Robert Bornstein, a psychologist at Adelphi University and an expert on social dependency, says that much of today's generation "have a helpless self-concept in common." They see themselves as weak, vulnerable, and ineffectual, often because their parents were either overprotective—sending the message that they were fragile—or rigid and authoritarian, which taught them that the way to get along in life was to follow orders.
Both styles of operating in the world come from a deep and often frightening insecurity that the individual covers up by:
1. taking on the "Victim" role, to cover their fear of making the wrong decision (they arrange for others to make the decisions for them).
Or
2. they live unenriched lives of frustration due to a fear of failure (they never reach beyond their comfort zone and take risks, fearing that someone out there might not approve of them).
More and more we are seeing this generation grow to adulthood physically, but they often have great difficulty striking out on their own and becoming responsible for their own life. Feeling "entitled" to what their parents have, even after having families of their own is not uncommon.
I understand that we live in a world that can often feel unsafe, but over protecting your children, preventing them from acquiring socialization skills with all kinds of people is doing them a grave disservice. Learning how to hold their own to a bully, or to stand up for what they believe, in the face of radical and inappropriate teacher is what we need to be fostering in our children. And we cannot do that if we are continually "protecting" them from the ills of the world. In fact, by doing so we are emotionally crippling them.
Over-controlling a child creates an adult that has no sense of his or her own ability to make wise decisions. These new adults will either isolate themselves from the world or they will rebel against it.
Children raised by overly authoritarian parents will most certainly rebel. And they will choose those things which are most important to the parent to rebel against. I often see well meaning, but over zealous, religious parents turn out teens that refuse to take on any form of their parent's religious beliefs. They grow to see their parent's religion as the enemy instead of realizing that it was the way in which their parents "bullied" them that was the problem.
In short, you need to make an honest and realistic assessment of your parenting trouble spots. Then you need to educate yourself on positive parenting skills that can replace your old unhealthy habits. It may be psychologically painful to do this, but remember that this isn't all about you anymore. It is about the person you are raising and the quality of life you can help them discover.
And in the end you will both benefit from it. Learning to let go of your irrational belief that you are powerful enough to control others will eradicate enormous amounts of stress and anxiety in your life. You will at last feel free and peaceful. Learning to repress your anger and overly authoritarian behavior will change your life. You will begin to understand what true happiness is all about.
posted by Karen Dougherty, 3:27 AM
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Stop Child Abuse in the Family Car
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Story #1
Tribune
Police have arrested a mother who took her dog shopping inside a Scottsdale Fashion Square department store while leaving her sleeping toddler in her car with a valet. Gardenia Zakrzewski Johansson, 39, who told police she is a Montessori schoolteacher, was arrested on suspicion of child neglect for leaving her 2-year-old son in the car to go into Neiman Marcus, according to a police report released Tuesday.
Story #2
A Sheboygan mother is expected to be charged with two counts of misdemeanor child neglect for allegedly leaving her two children in a freezing car for 20 minutes while she went tanning.
Story #3
FORT COLLINS, Colo. -- Fort Collins police are investigating a possible case of child abuse after the toddler's mother said she placed her child in the car as punishment and the child wound up in the hospital.Police said the mom disciplined her child during a shopping trip. The mother and her child were at a local bookstore when the child would not stop running around. ...Putting the child in the car allowed mom to read her books but the child nearly died.
My soap box today is dealing with people who are so selfcentered, sooo selfish that their most meaningless desires become far more important to them than does parenting their own children.
Parents who leave children in a car for any reason are abusers. They are selfcentered and put their petty desires far above their children's mental and physical health.
The next time you see a parent or caregiver neglecting or abusing a child you should be the one person who cares more for the welfare of those children than the abusing, narcissistic parent. Say something. Get the licence plate number and call the police. Go into the building and make a comlaint to security. Do whatever it takes to save these little children from a lifetime of mental and physical disabilities.
Tribune
Police have arrested a mother who took her dog shopping inside a Scottsdale Fashion Square department store while leaving her sleeping toddler in her car with a valet. Gardenia Zakrzewski Johansson, 39, who told police she is a Montessori schoolteacher, was arrested on suspicion of child neglect for leaving her 2-year-old son in the car to go into Neiman Marcus, according to a police report released Tuesday.
Story #2
A Sheboygan mother is expected to be charged with two counts of misdemeanor child neglect for allegedly leaving her two children in a freezing car for 20 minutes while she went tanning.
Story #3
FORT COLLINS, Colo. -- Fort Collins police are investigating a possible case of child abuse after the toddler's mother said she placed her child in the car as punishment and the child wound up in the hospital.Police said the mom disciplined her child during a shopping trip. The mother and her child were at a local bookstore when the child would not stop running around. ...Putting the child in the car allowed mom to read her books but the child nearly died.
My soap box today is dealing with people who are so selfcentered, sooo selfish that their most meaningless desires become far more important to them than does parenting their own children.
Parents who leave children in a car for any reason are abusers. They are selfcentered and put their petty desires far above their children's mental and physical health.
The next time you see a parent or caregiver neglecting or abusing a child you should be the one person who cares more for the welfare of those children than the abusing, narcissistic parent. Say something. Get the licence plate number and call the police. Go into the building and make a comlaint to security. Do whatever it takes to save these little children from a lifetime of mental and physical disabilities.
Part 1 - Feeding Your Teething Baby
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Babies begin getting their first teeth between 5-7 months of age. Eager parents are often excited to start trying new foods with their little cookie monster, but feeding a baby takes a bit of education and a lot of care. Making the wrong mistake can lead to food allergies and even death.
According to Dr. Bill Sears, a well written pediatrician suggests that you should wait until the baby is about 6 months old before entering new foods such as fruits and cereals into their diet. He explains that starting any earlier can aggravate or create food allergies as the babies little systems are not yet developed enough to process new foods so their body may treat new foods as a foreign substance that is harmful to the child - causing it to be rejected by the immune system - and eventually a food allergy develops.
When you do begin to feed your baby cereals and fruits it is best to stick with the multi grain cereals & crackers that dissolve easily. Of course preparing your own mashed fruits and vegetables at home is much healthier than buying bottled foods.
When your baby is 1-2 years of age it is OK to start presenting foods with some soft chunks such as chunky applesauce or soups with vegetables that are cut in very small pieces. Avoid peanut butter on bread - especially white bread - because it has a tendency to ball up in the child's throat an may cause a choking problem, especially if the child shoves large amounts of food into her mouth at once.
For some reason hot dogs are often given to toddlers, but even small round chunks of a hot dog can cause choking and death as the circumference of the meat is about the same as the child's esophagus. Hot dogs have little nutritional value anyway so there is really no need to feed them to your child. If you find hot dogs made without nitrates, preservatives and fillers (such as Hebrew International pure beef franks) the best way to serve them to your toddler is to peel them into very thin, noodle like strips with a carrot peeler. For a young toddler you can chop them into smaller strips after slicing them thinly.
Grapes should always be peeled and or mashed or cut into small chunks, removing any seeds before serving them. Raisins should be smashed well and torn apart into a smaller more manageable size. Soaking them in water first will soften the skins, making chewing much easier and swallowing will be much safer for the child.
And of course, never leave a small child alone while they are eating. Choking happens so fast and it can be fatal. And remember, patting the child on the back will likely make the choking worse. Find a class in your area that teaches infant and child CPR and other emergency techniques; you may be the one parent who actually has to use it one day. Don't take a chance with your child's life.
According to Dr. Bill Sears, a well written pediatrician suggests that you should wait until the baby is about 6 months old before entering new foods such as fruits and cereals into their diet. He explains that starting any earlier can aggravate or create food allergies as the babies little systems are not yet developed enough to process new foods so their body may treat new foods as a foreign substance that is harmful to the child - causing it to be rejected by the immune system - and eventually a food allergy develops.
When you do begin to feed your baby cereals and fruits it is best to stick with the multi grain cereals & crackers that dissolve easily. Of course preparing your own mashed fruits and vegetables at home is much healthier than buying bottled foods.
When your baby is 1-2 years of age it is OK to start presenting foods with some soft chunks such as chunky applesauce or soups with vegetables that are cut in very small pieces. Avoid peanut butter on bread - especially white bread - because it has a tendency to ball up in the child's throat an may cause a choking problem, especially if the child shoves large amounts of food into her mouth at once.
For some reason hot dogs are often given to toddlers, but even small round chunks of a hot dog can cause choking and death as the circumference of the meat is about the same as the child's esophagus. Hot dogs have little nutritional value anyway so there is really no need to feed them to your child. If you find hot dogs made without nitrates, preservatives and fillers (such as Hebrew International pure beef franks) the best way to serve them to your toddler is to peel them into very thin, noodle like strips with a carrot peeler. For a young toddler you can chop them into smaller strips after slicing them thinly.
Grapes should always be peeled and or mashed or cut into small chunks, removing any seeds before serving them. Raisins should be smashed well and torn apart into a smaller more manageable size. Soaking them in water first will soften the skins, making chewing much easier and swallowing will be much safer for the child.
And of course, never leave a small child alone while they are eating. Choking happens so fast and it can be fatal. And remember, patting the child on the back will likely make the choking worse. Find a class in your area that teaches infant and child CPR and other emergency techniques; you may be the one parent who actually has to use it one day. Don't take a chance with your child's life.