Parenting - The Owners Manual

How do you know if your child has a headache? How can you tell if she is in pain from cutting teeth or bumping her head on the crib? How do you know if your toddler has a stomach ache or feels "fluish?"

For the most part you can't. Little children cannot communicate the specificity of their discomfort, so when they are in pain they become cranky, impatient, weepy and or angry. Even Toddlers and young children have difficulty finding words to express their physical feelings.

It is important for parents and caregivers to remember that just like adults, children have bad days too, and they cannot behave as if they have no feelings. It can take an empathetic detective to determine the difference between whining and actual complaining. Here are a few things to ponder the next time you you notice that your child isn't as perky as usual.

1. Have you introduced something new to their diet (or to yours if you are breast feeding)? Children have sensitive digestive systems and getting a tummy ache after trying something new is common.

2. Has your child's day been particularly exciting or demanding? Children can suffer from overload too.

3. Are there tears? children don't cry tears unless they are feeling true distress. However, infants generally cannot cry tears until they are a few weeks old or until their tear ducts develop completely.

4. Has your child recently had a growth spurt? Bones and joints don't grow as quickly as muscle; and a growth spurt can cause physical discomfort - especially for crawlers and toddlers.

5. Have you or the child's significant caregiver been gone, under the weather or in a bad mood? Children are very sensitive to social disruptions and they generally interpret less attention as abandonment. Psychological pain can be even more painful than physical discomfort.

So, before you are tempted to label your child "spoiled," or "demanding," try to figure out the root of their upset. Once you figure that out, both of you will be happier.

In California this month, Spanking has become a political issue as a bill has been presented to make spanking any child under age 3 a crime. Some parents are outraged as others are in full support of the possible legislation. So today I thought I would inform you of what spanking really does.

Violence begets violence. That is a proven fact. And parents who resort to hitting their child instead of using some type of positive discipline are creating a dichotomy in the way their child looks at the world.

Children who fear their parent's wrath become insecure and create a belief that they can't trust even those who profess to love them most. Here are a few statistics to ponder:

A new study shows that disciplining children by spanking puts youngsters at risk for becoming aggressive, antisocial (psychopathic), and chronically defiant, the Washington Post reported.

In addition, study author Elizabeth Gershoff, a researcher at Columbia University's National Center for Children in Poverty, found that spanking is linked to delinquency and a failure to learn right from wrong.

Gershoff said "The bottom line is that corporal punishment is associated with numerous risks for children,. I would argue parents should to the best of their ability avoid using corporal punishment and instead use nonphysical and more positive types of discipline that we know are effective."

Gershoff analyzed 88 studies over 62 years to determine the effects of spanking on 11 child behaviors. Apart from immediate compliance, the research showed that spanking had negative effects on other behaviors.

Links to full articles:

Spanking Leads to Bad Behavior

10 Reasons Not to Hit Your Child

Discipline at Home

Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children

Your baby has always been the star of the show but lately, she greets her adoring fans with shyness and a wet face buried in your shoulder. Stranger anxiety is a normal level of an infants development.

Here's how to make social mixers a little less stressful:

Call ahead. Let your relatives know that nothing personal is intended by her rejection. Encourage them to give her some space when she enters the room and not immediately make a mad dash to grab her. She'll need time to warm up to them.

Give her home-court advantage. Your shrinking violet will
be most comfortable at home, but if you're going to Grandma's house, try to make the environment as familiar as possible. Bring her favorite toy from home and play together. Give Nana the toy and see if your shy one will also play with her.

Keep in touch. Don't hand her over and disappear. Stay close by and within her line of vision. She'll feel safer if she's able to see or feel you.

Adjust your attitude. If you're tense, she will pick up on it and feel anxious, too. Of course you feel terrible that she is so frightened, and sad for your loved ones who have been eagerly anticipating her arrival, but she'll do much better if you wipe that worried look off your face and smile.

Source: Babytalk, November 2006

Around age 6-7 children begin to see their parents’ humanness. They begin to wonder why mom says “don’t take what doesn’t belong to you,” and then eats a grape at the grocery story while shopping. “Isn’t that stealing mom?”

We want our children to learn perfect principles and sometimes we mistakenly expect more from them than we expect from ourselves. But what should a parent do when they have done something so obviously wrong that even their little children notice?

Just as you tell your children that “honesty is the best policy,” when you do something wrong you have to be able to own up to it and come clean with your child. Admit that what you did was wrong. If the infraction was against them, apologize. If someone else was involved tell your child how you plan to make it right. And if there was no other injured party, tell your child that you know that what you did was wrong. Let them know that you make mistakes too and that you try very hard to make as few as possible.

In short, be an example. Being honest with your child about your own humanness will help them feel less troubled about their own. Showing them how you handle your mistakes shows them how to handle theirs. Yes, they will eventually figure out that you aren’t perfect but in the process they will learn valuable life lessons. And isn’t that what parenting is all about?

More parenting tips at http://www.psych-net.com